dominance | ( eudio inbox )

[He won't find protest from her there: yes, he's an idiot. Poor Saint Valentine, they don't even know what he's done, but the whole city -- and people from all kinds of world -- seems to think he's worthy of this much pomp.

At the reveal of the heart, and breaks out into a grin, and picks Nike up, her front paws on her shoulder, and gives her a hug, before letting her return to her lap.]

Yeah. But it's not the same, Nike doesn't hug back. [And she's only interesting now, she's sure.

Her head tilts, and she looks at him for a quiet moment, before holding her arms out and beckoning him once.]

Can't eat it if you don't do what it says.

[ nike's a taker, never quite a giver. he finds it difficult to get a ball off her, even the newspaper he steals from the doorstep of one of his neighbours. he thinks to tell raven nike will return the hug when she's ready, always defiant in doing things her own way, but it's not what she wants and it isn't what he ends up wanting to say. ]

[ bellamy looks to nike, who glances at him before she looks toward the table in front of the couch. he leans forward to scoop her out of raven's lap, placing her on her legs for a moment before he leans to the other side, almost tipping over completely, and gently drops nike onto the ground. she walks away to lie beneath the table. ]

Is that the rule? [ he arches his brow, but relaxes it, and has a moment to think it over. he doesn't move her legs in his lap, keeping them there, even though he spares them a glance. if he doesn't move them, he's not going to hurt her — and bellamy's trying something. pushing himself a little instead of letting himself pull away. it's only a small step, one that has him unsure, but he doesn't find himself outright denying her or even suggesting they wait until she's standing instead of sitting half across him. ]

[ following the rules for what someone may perceive to be the first time in his life, he leans forward to do as she beckons. ]

[She lights up. The loss of a warm ball of fur on her lap might make her sad any other moment, but she is quick to realize that her devious jokes worked. Not that she wants to manipulate him into getting a hug out of it, but it's the whole fact that she can.

To think that about seven months ago she didn't know if it was okay to touch him, if that was welcomed, given the state he arrived in. They've made progress in leaps and bounds, and she knows why - it's honesty. And the fact that he, like her, doesn't back down from a challenge, even if it's a pain in the ass.

She's smiling triumphantly when he shifts closer, and scoots closer herself. Instead of just her calves on his lap, now it's her knees. She's not sitting on it, that would be too much, but she thinks scooting closer will be more comfortable for both parties involved, so there she goes, inch after inch until her butt touches the side of his thigh.

Close enough.] That's the rule.

[Because she can, because this isn't another one of those unattainable things, she leans in and wraps her arms around him, chin on his shoulder.]

[ it sounds stupid to him when he thinks about it, but bellamy doesn't know how to act around anyone else who isn't octavia. keeping people at a distance is easy. it's the way he'd coped on the ark, keeping his sister safe, his mother in a less anxious and snappy mess if he had less friends who wanted to walk him home. he's begun to learn through the delinquents how to be kind to people who aren't his sister, but it's a long and slow lesson that he sometimes fights when learning. ]

[ with her shifting, he stays still, watching her come closer to him until she's comfortable. he hadn't wanted to lean over her, pressing her leg at an awkward angle or see it hanging off the floor if it's to bring her discomfort. ]

[ when her arms are around him, it isn't until he feels her chin on his shoulder that he reciprocates. it isn't with the uncertainty he feels, those walls building themselves back up brick by brick whenever he feels as though he's being vulnerable, as he wraps his arms around her, pressing a hand between her shoulder blades. ]

[ he murmurs, ] Nike's a better hugger.

[He's had a sister for a long enough time that he should know he knows how to hug; hell, she's seen it before, him hugging people back, whether it was Clarke or Octavia, though she remembers that anyone who isn't Octavia is met not with resistance, but with surprise.

There would've been a moment, back home and a long time ago, when she could've joined in, thrown her arms around him and pretended the effort wasn't making her muscles burn. But they'd understood each other with a glance, and then Finn not being there had caught her attention.

She murmurs close to his ear,] She's furrier. [Shrugs gently, not to end up shoving her shoulder against his chin or something of the sort, and sinks into this, eyes closed and heart loud in her chest.] You're alright.

[ being affectionate with anyone who isn't octavia isn't something he's used to. after spending months on the ground with the delinquents, some who are more physically affectionate than others, he still hasn't grown used to it. he puts up his defenses on purpose, to keep himself safe and to abide by mom's rules to never let anyone get too close. it's a lesson he finds difficult to shake after spending the last seventeen years of his life following it. ]

[ he doesn't think he's any good, doesn't quite understand why raven wants to follow some stupid rule and hug him. eudio's a city where people practically use hugging as currency; if she wanted a hug, he knows there's people out there who are better at it than him. he's certain some of the people he's met that she knows wouldn't mind giving her one every now and then. ]

[ hugging someone feels good, though. despite wanting to scoff at those who seem desperate for it in the city, he can't deny that he understands why people seem so hungry for it. it'd calmed him days ago when he'd been upset over the mountain and her leg, and he wonders if that's what this is, if she's trying to stabilise herself now. ]

[ he thinks to ask her how long he has to hug her before he's met the criteria of the rule, but he finds it too callous to his own ears. raven's been through a massive change, and he supposes this is something that might help her readjust to it, even make sure her head's still screwed on straight. ]

[ with his lips curving up slightly, his voice is warm despite being low, ] Your chin's kind of bony.

[She's still touch-starved probably, that's it. She's stabilizing herself - feels everything that brushes her left leg and it's amazing, and she's not going to start tearing up about it again, not her.

But touch, for Raven, is important. Whether it's holding hands or being held to sleep - or her favorite, holding someone till they sleep - it hasn't been something she's held back on, if the person was someone she deemed worthy.

So far, if you consider everything, she can count those people on the fingers of one hand. He'd joined the ranks long ago, but this here feels actually indulgent. Not because there's a thing that needs fixing, but because she wants to and can.

She snorts close to his ear.] Well, you smell like dogs.

I live with them, Raven.

[ he sounds amused, and is. it's better than smelling like death, like blood and dirt and sweat. he feels clean, and he guesses he smells it, too, aside from the supposed dog smell. it's the better alternative to what he's already experienced. it means he's at least lived by not holding anyone at a distance, even if it's a four legged friend. ]

[ pulling back, bellamy lets a hand fall away from her completely and rest on her leg, and the other on the small of her back near her hip. he doesn't think about it. bellamy always pulls back, ensuring there's a distance between him and anyone else. after the mountain, though, he knows his habit is starting to crumble. a part of him wonders if he hadn't stepped away from fox if maybe she would still be alive today. ]

[ his mind doesn't wander there, though. he looks to the side, then down at himself, picking up the heart before he pops it into his mouth before she thinks to steal it from him. he grabs the box from his side and holds it out to raven. ]

Everything about this holiday is stupid.

You don't have to smell like they napped on your back, though. [But it's a cute image, and she wouldn't blame him for letting them. She's been the improvised bed of more than one tiny pet.

At least he doesn't say that she smells like a dragon. Especially given that most of the time, Gruff smells like fish and burnt leather. She's grown used to it by now, though.]

The word you're looking for is cheesy. [She brings her hand out from under his arm and picks up a candy at random. When she sees it, she snorts.] See? [You don't get away from the things that scare you, it seems. She turns the candy around, and it's that blasted kiss me one.]

[ he arches his brow at it, then looks at the box. it's easier to take interest in the tone of their conversation, of it leading to criticising the hearts than anything else. hugging raven isn't horrible. he's admitted to himself that he doesn't mind it — even likes it. but bellamy's always liked to run from anything that doesn't feel like it ties into protecting octavia. ]

[ he holds it beneath his nose, looking inside of it as though he can see all the hearts and their words. he can't, though; he's not familiar with these candies, and he finds himself interested in what they say, if they're as commanding as those two. lowering the box, he tucks his hand inside of it and picks out a heart. ]

[ turning it around, he shows her. his brow arches higher as he looks at it as though it's the oddest thing he's ever seen. ] Call me? What if you're sitting right here? Are you supposed to call my phone?

[Perhaps he answers a question she never needed to ask, but there it is. She shrugs, looks one last time at the heart, and eats it. Screw the rules.

If it tastes a little sour now, it's a part of her imagination.

She's still there to grin at him when he shows her a candy with such surprise etched on his face.] I think that's the kind you hide in someone's pocket or something. So they find it later - though good luck with them knowing who it'd be from.

[ he gives her a disbelieving look before he shakes his head. he tosses the heart onto the table before them, ignoring that maybe he should eat it or offer it to her. in his opinion, it's too stupid to eat, let alone offer to raven. he doesn't understand how these hearts are meant to work, especially if they're not hugging or kissing. those he gets, at least. ]

[ he shoves his hand back into the box, rummaging around for a moment before he picks another heart out. turning it over so he can read it, he still looks amused. he doubts this could get worse; it's not as though there's a heart in there that says he has to tell her a secret, or do something embarrassing. he doubts the hearts are big enough for the latter. ]

[ he looks to her and shows her a be mine. with a shrug, he nonchalantly teases, ] Want to be my — whatever for the day?

[ it's easier to make fun of the day than it is to understand the intentions behind it. ]

[She doesn't get the big deal behind today, so the whole background story to saying yes to being someone's whatever for the day is lost on her. If you ask Raven, it's basically just a way of saying that person's the one you'd most want to spend some time with, and given than she came here the moment she could, well.

Maybe it is.

She tilts her head, and shrugs.] I'll be your whatever if you'll be my whatever for the day. [All couple of hours left of it.]

Sure.

[ he looks down at the heart and wonders what he's meant to do with it now. it doesn't seem right to ask her to be his whatever — is it "valentine"? "love"? "person"? — and not give her the heart. despite reading the network broadcasts on the day, bellamy has to admit he found himself rolling his eyes and not taking any of it in. all he seemed to glean from the conversations is that it was a day where people either felt loved or the complete opposite. and he doesn't want the latter for raven. ]

[ like his answer to her, his solution is an easy one. with the heart in his hand, he holds it for her to pluck it from his palm. ]

Guess this is yours.

[It would feel weird to take it, even if it's just a heart that says be mine. Maybe she's the foolish one, making a big deal out a small piece of candy, but she shakes her head.]

You take it. I ate the kiss me one while you weren't looking.

[Her pulse feels unsteady, and she knows it's not due to stabilizing anymore. It's done, she's used to it, the feel and weight and warmth of his hand on her leg. It's the whole being close and trading hearts that are idiotic, and meaningless, and thinking they are.

She stays where she is, but reaches behind her with both hands, and leans back against them, creating distance without being aware of it.]

[ he looks down at the heart before he throws it into the air. it's a trick he's been teaching his dogs, but they're much more skilled at bouncing their small treats off their nose, foreheads, or even catching them when they're lucky. bellamy tilts his head back and finds he misses it, it hitting his head as it bounces onto the couch. ]

[ with a shrug, he picks it up, and eats it, but not without an amused smile. it seems as though he can't teach an old dog any new tricks. ]

[ he shoves his hand back into the packet to search for another heart. ]

[ looking at her pointedly, it's with a smile he thinks to remind her: ]

Isn't that against the rules?

[ he doesn't know what the rules are, but it doesn't hurt he pretends to. ]

[She feels like she's just been caught doing something illegal, or at the least irresponsible, so of course she acts in her own way. With bravado and defiance.

She shrugs; the rules? She made them up, they're inconsequential. And since when is he a stickler for them?]

Yeah, guess it is. [She presses her tongue to the inside of her cheek, biting onto it a little bit, for adrenaline and courage, and raises one eyebrow.]

Why? Do you want to kiss me?

[ it's not the first time he's been asked what it is he wants, but it's always been in terms of how to survive. what does he want to do, to ensure that they make it out of running the camp alive? what does he think is the best course of action when it comes to the fact grounders will be marching toward them at that very moment? what he's wanted has been the same since he was seven years old — he wants octavia to be safe, and to be happy, especially with him. ]

[ but when it comes to him outside of the camp, the fighting, and all the tactical thinking, bellamy isn't sure what it is he wants. he's always tried to rationalise it in terms of octavia — how it helps her, how it'll protect her. it's how he thinks of it now. hugging raven is easy; he doesn't mind it at all, finding it's grounding at times. but he remembers what kissing her had been like, and he isn't so sure if he wants to begin untangling that red string. ]

[ he pulls a heart out, finding it's another hug one. he thinks to pour all of them out to see if there's a range of options in there, but even bellamy can realise that that's him running. instead, he looks down at it for a moment before looking back at her. he copies her expression, arching his brow, but it lacks any attitude behind it. ]

I'm just making sure the Valentine's rule police aren't going to come and get you. [ he lifts a shoulder, turning the heart over in his hands as he looks down. ] It'd suck. You're one of the only few people I actually like.

[She watches him quietly for a few moments longer, the drum of her heart loud in her ears, and her throat feeling constricted.

She remembers, too. Even if it wasn't the last kiss she'd ever had, even if what came after it didn't help one bit, she remembers that he goes for the hair and takes one second to react before opening his mouth under hers, and she remembers that his hands always feel steady even when he might not be sure of what he's doing, if he's helping.

She could us some of that, but it's a talent she doesn't possess. Instead, she rushes through life, ready for a fight, and endlessly hoping for someone to show that she can be soft to.

She pulls her legs down from his lap, and pushes herself to sit down, sit properly.] That wasn't an answer.

[She lets out a small sigh.] But I doubt the Valentine's rule police will come.

[ with her legs no longer on his, he picks his up to rest them on his coffee table for something to do. pressing the middle of the arch of his feet into the edge, it's no wonder it doesn't slide along the tiles of his apartment. he expects to hear the skidding, but the table doesn't move from the pressure of his feet. ]

[ bellamy doesn't know what propels him to do it. with his back resting against the cushions of his couch, he's almost content to simply sit like that, the packet of hearts in his hands that he forgets to even pick another candy out of it. placing that on the couch between them, he shifts before leaning forward. he kisses her on the cheek, lingering for a brief moment, before he pulls back and slumps into the cushions of the couch. ]

[ he looks at her, expression slightly guarded and blank. ] Just in case.

[ and he slides further down the couch, knees bent up high, as he looks over toward the dogs, with nike on his bed, paws on his windowsill, and zelo having disappeared from sight. ]

[She holds her breath. Holds it all the way until he sits back again and slumps further down on the couch. Her focus is on him even when he looks at the dogs, because of course he would, he's very good at diverting his gaze when it's necessary.

She has a knot in her throat, which prompts a dry laugh from her. After swallowing it down, she slumps back against the backrest of the couch and props her own feet up on the table too.] Shit.

[Another laugh, her insides trembling with it, like she's made of jello, and she sinks further down and covers her face with both hands. If she manages to smile, it's because that's mild panic for you. She drags her hands across her face, and drops them at her sides, and when her face is unhidden again, she tips it up to look at the ceiling.]

If I'm honest now, can we try not to let that fuck anything up? Because you're among the few people I actually like, too. [Expression pinched, walls slowly being erected, she looks at him.] Can I?

[ he's quick to wonder if that had been a mistake, if he had been reading her pulling away from him wrong. if he's honest, he's felt compelled to do it, but has chosen to let his legs guide him and run far from her and himself. he'd been telling the truth when he hadn't wanted to mess them up — and it's still true, now. even though he suspects if she's to ask him why his answer won't be please her. ]

[ all it's been is a sign of him slowly becoming comfortable. and he can't help but look at her with his eyes slightly wide, his heart beginning to swell and even beat with panic. even with the best of intentions, he's always screwed things up. from the unity day dance to moments on the ark and definitely many on the ground, bellamy has always bitten back any instinct of his own when he can't predict its outcome. ]

[ he watches her, remaining as slumped as he is. he doesn't move. already suspecting he's unsettled the balance between them, he doesn't want to shift himself against the couch or make up a reason to leave it. chion has always been a good reason, never quite a fluffed up excuse, but the snowball seems content with tossing ice cubes at the window as always. ]

[ his brows furrow at her words, and bellamy wishes he could move his legs to run. but he stays where he is, looking at her, and wondering while also understanding what it is she's talking about. his voice is soft with his own worry, ] What?

[She falters, a bit, because this part - the admittance part - isn't easy. It's not the actual want itself, or even the being blunt, because she's been blunt her whole life even at the expense of her own suffering, on some occasions.

But she didn't think she'd ever end up in this position again. Eudio has been easy on her, tolerant with her tall walls and her bravado. She has met people willing to turn a blind eye to that, and still infuse her existence with some warmth and passion that didn't come from an explosion.

This, though, this whole sitting slumped like it's a defensive mechanism, the words a cluster in her mouth, this part she could've swallowed down for a long time. But instead, she chooses to say it, albeit in a rushed whisper and looking at her knees.]

I kind of wish you would. [She looks at him from the corners of her eyes.] Kiss me, I mean. [A beat, her pulse feels like it's trying to hammer something behind her ribs, build something. Worst case scenario, same as the last time, he'll gently pull back and they'll go back to what they are now.

But something in Raven rebels, and maybe it has to do with today, and with her working, healthy leg, but she doesn't want this to be another thing they don't talk about. She looks at him, aware that this is her at her most vulnerable and still charging headfirst.] I really want to kiss you. I keep wanting to.

[ it's a hell of a lot easier to talk about greek stories and commenting on them, on how it's best to roast some grounders, even though he doesn't like killing at all. it's easier to talk about mount weather, even though it makes his skin feel unpleasantly hot and his chest incredibly tight. being vulnerable to anyone — it's not something he thinks he's good at. ]

[ for all of his obliviousness when it comes to people and how they respond to him — which is ironic, given he'd used what he had read in the body language and overheard from the delinquents against them to exercise his own power back during the first few days of being on the ground — he isn't so blind as to what raven's doing right now. she's making herself vulnerable, perhaps more vulnerable than she'd been when she'd come over to build that playpen for an animated snowball, and bellamy doesn't want to lose her trust in opening herself up to him. ]

[ he drops his gaze, looking toward her legs, but he doesn't see the one that he knows should have a brace on it to keep it steady for her when she places her weight onto it. he thinks to get up and walk over to the sink, but bellamy remains slouched in place, looking up at her with some uncertainty. he's never really followed through with his own selfish impulses when it isn't about octavia or mom or even the kids he'd dropped down to the ground with. ]

[ things have already changed too much for him — from clarke pulling away, from him being unable to do much when it comes to the grounders and mount weather, to the dynamics in camp, and now to the city where clarke is different, where raven doesn't know how it all ends save for his own skewed retellings of what went down inside of the mountain. change is the biggest threat to him that he doesn't like since he can't control it. ]

[ his voice is quiet, ] It won't change anything, right?

[Things have already changed, that's the thing. She can't offer him any comfort here, because she can't offer herself any either. She's taking a risk, he's just the one who has to make the decision this time. There will be no getting undressed and showing him hers before he shows her his this time around, no using him because she thinks he's the sort of guy who won't mind it.

What a dick she was. Knowing him better now, she can't help but realize that she was wrong. Of course he'd minded it.

Which is why she puts all the cards on the table. Even if it's with hesitation.] I can't guarantee that.

[She shrugs, and looks up at him from where she's slumped.] Things have already changed. I wouldn't be sitting here wanting...this...if things had stayed the same. [And speaking of things that stay the same, she glances down at her legs, and brushes her thumb over her left knee. To herself,] Sometimes change is good. Even if it's risky.

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