[ being in his head is often a heavier and difficult place than that. the contradiction between not wanting to believe in greek gods being real and animals being capable of picking up phones isn't a hard one to grasp for him. his dogs, so far, have proven to be good friends. nike's been with him for so long that he thinks her to be someone he can't live without, despite his own belief he needs to leave contradicting that very thought itself. the greek gods have lead him astray. he thought he was being like one on the ark, even on the ground, and it's only gotten people killed. ]
[ he leans up on his elbows, looking at her with an arch to his brow. he tries not to smile, but fails in doing so. ] So busy you're going to miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime meal? I don't think Gruff understands the importance of this phone call.
[The first time she'd met him, and weeks after that, she'd thought for sure that Bellamy had no sense of humor, but she'd been wrong. He has one, it's just a weird kind of humor that involves believing his dogs will run a tight agenda for him.
She rolls her eyes, and waves her hand dismissively.] Fine, I'll give him a good talking to. Make sure he's there.
[ settling his back onto the bed again, he nods, as if satisfied. and he supposes he is. talking like this is second nature for bellamy, even though octavia's grown up and far from who she had been when she'd been sixteen, even younger. ]
Good. [ he looks up at his ceiling, realising how plain it is in comparison to the stars. he's not their biggest fan, but at least they were pretty to look at. ]
[ with his legs hanging off the side of the bed, he can hear one of his dogs approach. feeling their nose against his toes, along his ankle and heel, he does his best not to shift on the bed, despite finding the cold touch ticklish. pulling himself up, bellamy swings his feet away, ensuring zelo's out of the way when he does so. moving about, he bends down to pick him up, then lies on his back with the dog on his chest. ]
[ zelo lies down on his stomach and looks at raven. ] Think he likes you.
[Of course he does. She lies down on her side, pulling Cerberus under her head to act as a pillow of sorts, and curls up with her knees pulled closer to her chest.]
Of course he does. [She reaches out and tickles her fingers against Zelo's head. Without missing a beat, she retreats her hand, and pats the spot beside her as an invitation for the dog.] I'm awesome. All pets know this.
[ he watches zelo, making sure he doesn't leap toward her or the window — or does something that may hurt himself. even though he's sure nike will clue in soon that her partner in crime is getting the attention she thinks she has a right to, he doesn't drop him back to the ground. ]
[ watching him watch the space raven had patted, he shifts zelo from him to the bed. standing on his feet, he looks around, sniffing her shoulder before he takes his sweet time in lying on his stomach between them. keeping his head upright, zelo looks between the two of them, focusing on the space near the windowsill as his ears prick up. ]
He's going to get bigger. [ possibly taking up the entire space of his bed. he looks at zelo, bends his elbow on the bed and very lightly brushes the tips of his fingers against the top of his head. ] Think there's a way to keep him this small?
[Those ears get some extremely nice scritches, as does his chin, because Raven rewards and appreciates loyalty, you know? She glances up at Bellamy, then at the dog; he's already looking bigger than the last time she was here.]
Why would you want to? [She shrugs,] I know they're cute when they're tiny, but the bigger they get, the more tricks you can teach them. I saw a video online of two dogs just like Nike carrying groceries.
[She knows that once the dogs get bigger, he'll need a bigger place. This apartment's already starting to feel small, and smell more like dog than human. It won't be cozy forever.
She doesn't say it, however, because him admitting that he doesn't want to go back is still a new thing, and she doesn't want to spook him.]
[ he looks at raven, incredulous. ] Carrying groceries?
[ he can't quite imagine zelo and nike carrying groceries, but, then again, they're only puppies. he can't imagine them doing much save for carrying the newspaper. ]
[ they're meant to grow older, and the space of his apartment is only going to get smaller. even though bellamy can live in a small space with two other people, one who had been as excitable as his two dogs, he knows it's not ideal for them. and what that means — maybe roxy had a plan up her sleeve, perhaps it being one she hadn't known about herself. ]
[ it just brings him back to what elsa had said earlier. he might need to find a new place. ]
[ he looks to zelo, shifting closer toward him. ] You think you can do that? [ zelo, of course, ignores him in favour of being petted. ]
[Like the dog's going to answer him when it's being petted with such dedication by Raven. She takes the liberty of answering Bellamy for Zelo, lowering her voice dramatically.]
I'll start doing that when you start bringing my toys to me in your mouth, you overgrown dog.
[ bellamy laughs. it's unexpected yet expected from her to behave like this — he doesn't think long on it. all he knows is that he likes it, even though it's at his expense. (he's used to it by now — a lot of jokes are often at his expense, following in the footsteps of octavia's when she'd been younger.) shifting so he doesn't end up disturbing zelo himself, he shoves at raven's shoulder. ]
[ he lifts his hand to brush it underneath zelo's chin, as though that'll see his dog bark or nod or do something in the affirmative of what bellamy wants. he simply leans into it before he pulls his head away to drop it onto the bed. ]
[ he laughs, withdrawing his hand to brush his fingers hard along zelo's back. ] Maybe not.
[ when they want to. sometimes he finds they outright ignore him, just like the delinquents sometimes do. or maybe they don't. bellamy finds his dogs choose to go their own way in comparison to the kids who stand to attention and follow him as though he's some commander leading them into war. ]
[ he continues to brush his fingers along zelo's back, watching his dog remain complaint and still in his spot. ]
Maybe he'll show you a trick later if you're nice.
[She's sure that in some capacity they do. It's just more fun to pretend they don't and make fun of Bellamy. Looking down at Zelo, she runs her thumb down between his eyes, watching them close gradually and feeling a twinge in her heart somewhere.
Cute.]
Okay, I've gotta say this. Nike and Zelo are like the dog version of Blakes.
[ bellamy looks at her, amused. of course he doesn't see it. if bellamy saw his own reflection, or even his future self, standing right before him, he'd deny it existing. when he looks at zelo and nike, he doesn't see himself and octavia, even though he'd wanted to get zelo to ensure that nike had a life similar to his own (except a little kinder). ]
[ with a slight laugh, ] What? [ he looks at zelo, as if expecting him to sprout the dark blake hair. he stays golden, fur as thick as bellamy's mop of hair used to be. his fingers may have stilled in brushing against his back, but they return to moving once more as he looks at raven. ] What makes you say that?
[That's easy. She's been thinking it for a while now, so it's easy to just say it.] Well, just look at them. Nike's so tiny and ready to eat up the whole world, and when she's alone she'll sniff at anything and she's enthusiastic...and then Zelo, he's a cooler dog by comparison, like he needs to compensate for his sister's personality.
She follows him, sometimes. He calms her down. I've only seen that once.
[ being the only siblings from the ark, he supposes some people will be looking at him and octavia like they're something fascinating to watch. bellamy has done it with a few of his friends, even though he wouldn't go as far as to call them fascinating. it had just been interesting to predict future events based on body language and tone. by watching finn, he'd figured out how best to approach raven when it came to understanding her. ]
[ looking at zelo, it's as though he expects his dog to confirm or deny any of this. but he looks at his puppy to have a moment to think. and what he thinks about is that he hadn't expected anyone to really pay attention to him — or octavia. it's how they'd been raised. be quiet. remain unseen. ]
[ quietly, ] I hadn't thought about it like that. [ he's slightly pensive, still expecting to see it now when he's hardly been able to see himself from someone else's perspective. looking up at her, he arches his brow slightly, ] You really think that about O and me?
[Extraordinary things get attention, and nobody had siblings on the Ark. They are not things, but they are both extraordinary and fascinating, so she's paid attention.
And it's hard not to, when you've made a point to be a part of their lives because you care, you care, you care.]
I think -- I think she's your biggest motivation, but I also think you're hers.
[ it isn't news to him, being told he's octavia's biggest motivator. as oblivious as he sometimes is, by choice and by it being a natural response for him, bellamy has seen it. she's told him as much, finding the words he'd promised to her when she'd been born mean much more coming from her, as she hadn't ever been tasked with the responsibility of looking after him. it'd always been him needing to look out for her, as if he was capable of caring for himself, or she had been more important, thought to be too wild or ignorant to what he had the opportunity to live and witness outside of their home. ]
[ hearing it from raven, though ... her word, her opinions, insight, motivational speeches — she's come to mean something to him. his relationship with octavia has always been his own, but he doesn't feel defensive hearing her out. ]
[ he doesn't look at her, focusing on zelo. lifting his hand, he brushes his fingers between his eyes, down the slope of his snout lightly. his tone remains quiet, since he doesn't think he needs to speak loudly, and doesn't want to, anyway. ] She has Lincoln now. [ and it's been a source of his own jealousy as well as his comfort in staying in eudio a little longer. lincoln is good for octavia, even for himself, but he often feels misplaced when he's around. ] If she didn't, I wouldn't be here.
[ meeting his deal as quickly as he could, he'd be out if lincoln hadn't followed her. ]
[Funny, that; she can't quite not look at him. Wonders if she's said something wrong. Wonders if what she wants to carry on saying will drive him away. If it'll be her own doing, well...
Her feelings don't matter right now.]
Just because she can handle herself doesn't mean she doesn't love you. [Quieter,] Just because you can handle yourself doesn't mean you don't love her.
[ he glances at her briefly from the corner of his eye, but otherwise keeps his gaze locked on zelo's paws. acknowledging why he does so, bellamy's doing it on purpose, knowing if he looks at her he'll stop talking. he doesn't want to talk, always preferring to not burden those around him, but he makes the active choice to do so. for however long it lasts before he locks her out again. ]
It just means she doesn't need me. [ with that year of her being locked away from him, he supposes that's changed. her dependency on him to describe the ark to her, the things he'd done, the people he'd met again, had been destroyed the moment the guard had taken her away from him. octavia hadn't seemed any different when they'd crashed to the ground, but she's grown in the opposite direction to him since then. it's unsurprising he hasn't been able to follow her out of eudio. ]
[ he lets his hand drop from zelo, finding his puppy looks for it, but seems to settle by resting his chin on his paws. with his hand against the bed, near zelo but not quite touching him, he frowns. quieter than he'd been before, ] I don't think she ever really did. [ not on the ground, not when he'd been trying to step back into those familiar shoes that felt too tight around his feet. ]
[ shifting against his bed, his knee accidentally bumps into hers. all long limbs, unable to keep them all on his bed without bending somewhere, he doesn't let his legs hang completely off the side of his bed. ] I can't remember a day before she was born. All I remember is she was always there. Around.
[She supposes it's hilarious how similar they are. Letting others in in increments only. Closing and opening themselves to other people, even when they're friends, with so much hesitation. She wonders if it's pervasive to the children born on poor stations, or if they're just that sort of people. That sort of losers.
She wants to comfort him, in the same way she sometimes wants to comfort herself for her dependence on Finn. When the only person who'd loved her, her family though not by blood, had been taken, and her whole world had resumed itself to just him: the days until he'd turn eighteen, the airducts wide enough to crawl through and spent the night whispering through the ventilation in his cell, the horrible sinking possibility of him not being pardoned at all, for her spacewalk. And then one more time, when she found from Abby he was on the ground. Again, when she realized he wasn't hers anymore, maybe never had been like that, and the last time... The last time, she's still clinging onto, at times.
Because she wants to comfort him, she lets her fingers accidentally on purpose brush over his where he holds it near Zelo. Quietly,] Maybe being needed isn't all that cracked up as it's said to be. Maybe the best thing is to be wanted...
You should be proud, you know. Your sister ended up one of the sanest people I've met, and look where she started. If that happened, well...Come on, I'll connect the dots - you've likely gotta take some credit.
[ he hadn't been raised to be a secret keeper, let alone a big brother to a girl who had been told her entire existence could never be celebrated. he knows mom had never planned for octavia, but they'd shifted around her. he'd come into his own with his little sister to focus on, and while mom had made sure to drill into his head that she was his to take care of in the wake of something happening to her, bellamy, on some level, knows that he helped raise octavia for a good portion of his life. ]
[ but octavia is octavia, and he's never been one to take credit for anything that's good. it's touching to think raven believes that — that he's capable of some good, even if it's just her believing he's a good influence on octavia. a part of him knows she had to have had faith in him, possibly as a keeper of her own secret, as confessing to illegal activity on the ark may not harm them now when it comes to the council, but it still has the ability to damage people and those around them. ]
[ with her fingers brushing against his, he doesn't stay still beneath her touch. whether out of impulse or a choice of his own, bellamy both thinks and doesn't think about how it may or may not have been his conscious decision to hook his fingers around hers. the dog doesn't even seem to notice, perhaps remaining as calm as she had observed him to be. ]
She had Mom. It wasn't just her and me. [ and though it's almost arrogant to think it, he knows she knows the story of aurora blake. it's one he thinks the council told the people of the ark to dissuade them from breaking the rules. it's a story of how it'll always come to bite you in the ass — or your eldest will simply let you down. it's easier to brush it aside, because it doesn't quite fit how he sees himself. ]
[ shifting his hips on the bed, he glances up at her and cracks a smile, ] But I'll make sure to tell her you said that.
[Involuntarily, she startles a little when he hooks his fingers through hers, but it's barely perceivable. She manages to counterbalance it with a light squeeze, acknowledging them touching. She runs her thumb over his knuckles, and offers a soft smile back.]
Make sure you remember it. [Which means not remember it to tell Octavia, but remember so he can tell himself. She can sense that he's not that sure he had anything good to offer in Octavia's life, but he's wrong. She's not biased, she just knows. She's seen him be a good person. And a good brother.]
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It's not my fault my people are very busy, very often.
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[ he leans up on his elbows, looking at her with an arch to his brow. he tries not to smile, but fails in doing so. ] So busy you're going to miss out on a once-in-a-lifetime meal? I don't think Gruff understands the importance of this phone call.
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She rolls her eyes, and waves her hand dismissively.] Fine, I'll give him a good talking to. Make sure he's there.
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Good. [ he looks up at his ceiling, realising how plain it is in comparison to the stars. he's not their biggest fan, but at least they were pretty to look at. ]
[ with his legs hanging off the side of the bed, he can hear one of his dogs approach. feeling their nose against his toes, along his ankle and heel, he does his best not to shift on the bed, despite finding the cold touch ticklish. pulling himself up, bellamy swings his feet away, ensuring zelo's out of the way when he does so. moving about, he bends down to pick him up, then lies on his back with the dog on his chest. ]
[ zelo lies down on his stomach and looks at raven. ] Think he likes you.
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Of course he does. [She reaches out and tickles her fingers against Zelo's head. Without missing a beat, she retreats her hand, and pats the spot beside her as an invitation for the dog.] I'm awesome. All pets know this.
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[ watching him watch the space raven had patted, he shifts zelo from him to the bed. standing on his feet, he looks around, sniffing her shoulder before he takes his sweet time in lying on his stomach between them. keeping his head upright, zelo looks between the two of them, focusing on the space near the windowsill as his ears prick up. ]
He's going to get bigger. [ possibly taking up the entire space of his bed. he looks at zelo, bends his elbow on the bed and very lightly brushes the tips of his fingers against the top of his head. ] Think there's a way to keep him this small?
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Why would you want to? [She shrugs,] I know they're cute when they're tiny, but the bigger they get, the more tricks you can teach them. I saw a video online of two dogs just like Nike carrying groceries.
[She knows that once the dogs get bigger, he'll need a bigger place. This apartment's already starting to feel small, and smell more like dog than human. It won't be cozy forever.
She doesn't say it, however, because him admitting that he doesn't want to go back is still a new thing, and she doesn't want to spook him.]
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[ he can't quite imagine zelo and nike carrying groceries, but, then again, they're only puppies. he can't imagine them doing much save for carrying the newspaper. ]
[ they're meant to grow older, and the space of his apartment is only going to get smaller. even though bellamy can live in a small space with two other people, one who had been as excitable as his two dogs, he knows it's not ideal for them. and what that means — maybe roxy had a plan up her sleeve, perhaps it being one she hadn't known about herself. ]
[ it just brings him back to what elsa had said earlier. he might need to find a new place. ]
[ he looks to zelo, shifting closer toward him. ] You think you can do that? [ zelo, of course, ignores him in favour of being petted. ]
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I'll start doing that when you start bringing my toys to me in your mouth, you overgrown dog.
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Don't be an ass.
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Hey, I'm just giving him a voice.
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[ he lifts his hand to brush it underneath zelo's chin, as though that'll see his dog bark or nod or do something in the affirmative of what bellamy wants. he simply leans into it before he pulls his head away to drop it onto the bed. ]
[ he laughs, withdrawing his hand to brush his fingers hard along zelo's back. ] Maybe not.
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[ when they want to. sometimes he finds they outright ignore him, just like the delinquents sometimes do. or maybe they don't. bellamy finds his dogs choose to go their own way in comparison to the kids who stand to attention and follow him as though he's some commander leading them into war. ]
[ he continues to brush his fingers along zelo's back, watching his dog remain complaint and still in his spot. ]
Maybe he'll show you a trick later if you're nice.
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Cute.]
Okay, I've gotta say this. Nike and Zelo are like the dog version of Blakes.
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[ with a slight laugh, ] What? [ he looks at zelo, as if expecting him to sprout the dark blake hair. he stays golden, fur as thick as bellamy's mop of hair used to be. his fingers may have stilled in brushing against his back, but they return to moving once more as he looks at raven. ] What makes you say that?
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She follows him, sometimes. He calms her down. I've only seen that once.
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[ looking at zelo, it's as though he expects his dog to confirm or deny any of this. but he looks at his puppy to have a moment to think. and what he thinks about is that he hadn't expected anyone to really pay attention to him — or octavia. it's how they'd been raised. be quiet. remain unseen. ]
[ quietly, ] I hadn't thought about it like that. [ he's slightly pensive, still expecting to see it now when he's hardly been able to see himself from someone else's perspective. looking up at her, he arches his brow slightly, ] You really think that about O and me?
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And it's hard not to, when you've made a point to be a part of their lives because you care, you care, you care.]
I think -- I think she's your biggest motivation, but I also think you're hers.
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[ hearing it from raven, though ... her word, her opinions, insight, motivational speeches — she's come to mean something to him. his relationship with octavia has always been his own, but he doesn't feel defensive hearing her out. ]
[ he doesn't look at her, focusing on zelo. lifting his hand, he brushes his fingers between his eyes, down the slope of his snout lightly. his tone remains quiet, since he doesn't think he needs to speak loudly, and doesn't want to, anyway. ] She has Lincoln now. [ and it's been a source of his own jealousy as well as his comfort in staying in eudio a little longer. lincoln is good for octavia, even for himself, but he often feels misplaced when he's around. ] If she didn't, I wouldn't be here.
[ meeting his deal as quickly as he could, he'd be out if lincoln hadn't followed her. ]
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Her feelings don't matter right now.]
Just because she can handle herself doesn't mean she doesn't love you. [Quieter,] Just because you can handle yourself doesn't mean you don't love her.
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It just means she doesn't need me. [ with that year of her being locked away from him, he supposes that's changed. her dependency on him to describe the ark to her, the things he'd done, the people he'd met again, had been destroyed the moment the guard had taken her away from him. octavia hadn't seemed any different when they'd crashed to the ground, but she's grown in the opposite direction to him since then. it's unsurprising he hasn't been able to follow her out of eudio. ]
[ he lets his hand drop from zelo, finding his puppy looks for it, but seems to settle by resting his chin on his paws. with his hand against the bed, near zelo but not quite touching him, he frowns. quieter than he'd been before, ] I don't think she ever really did. [ not on the ground, not when he'd been trying to step back into those familiar shoes that felt too tight around his feet. ]
[ shifting against his bed, his knee accidentally bumps into hers. all long limbs, unable to keep them all on his bed without bending somewhere, he doesn't let his legs hang completely off the side of his bed. ] I can't remember a day before she was born. All I remember is she was always there. Around.
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She wants to comfort him, in the same way she sometimes wants to comfort herself for her dependence on Finn. When the only person who'd loved her, her family though not by blood, had been taken, and her whole world had resumed itself to just him: the days until he'd turn eighteen, the airducts wide enough to crawl through and spent the night whispering through the ventilation in his cell, the horrible sinking possibility of him not being pardoned at all, for her spacewalk. And then one more time, when she found from Abby he was on the ground. Again, when she realized he wasn't hers anymore, maybe never had been like that, and the last time... The last time, she's still clinging onto, at times.
Because she wants to comfort him, she lets her fingers accidentally on purpose brush over his where he holds it near Zelo. Quietly,] Maybe being needed isn't all that cracked up as it's said to be. Maybe the best thing is to be wanted...
You should be proud, you know. Your sister ended up one of the sanest people I've met, and look where she started. If that happened, well...Come on, I'll connect the dots - you've likely gotta take some credit.
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[ but octavia is octavia, and he's never been one to take credit for anything that's good. it's touching to think raven believes that — that he's capable of some good, even if it's just her believing he's a good influence on octavia. a part of him knows she had to have had faith in him, possibly as a keeper of her own secret, as confessing to illegal activity on the ark may not harm them now when it comes to the council, but it still has the ability to damage people and those around them. ]
[ with her fingers brushing against his, he doesn't stay still beneath her touch. whether out of impulse or a choice of his own, bellamy both thinks and doesn't think about how it may or may not have been his conscious decision to hook his fingers around hers. the dog doesn't even seem to notice, perhaps remaining as calm as she had observed him to be. ]
She had Mom. It wasn't just her and me. [ and though it's almost arrogant to think it, he knows she knows the story of aurora blake. it's one he thinks the council told the people of the ark to dissuade them from breaking the rules. it's a story of how it'll always come to bite you in the ass — or your eldest will simply let you down. it's easier to brush it aside, because it doesn't quite fit how he sees himself. ]
[ shifting his hips on the bed, he glances up at her and cracks a smile, ] But I'll make sure to tell her you said that.
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Make sure you remember it. [Which means not remember it to tell Octavia, but remember so he can tell himself. She can sense that he's not that sure he had anything good to offer in Octavia's life, but he's wrong. She's not biased, she just knows. She's seen him be a good person. And a good brother.]
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