[She laughs out,] Fuck you. [She still feels tingles up her leg from where he's touching her, but it doesn't matter none when her pride is hurt. She's a genius, mr. nerdy janitor.]
Gimme your stupid book, I'm going to read you a story and then hit you with it.
[ bellamy laughs, shaking his head. ] Nuh uh. I'm not falling for that. [ if he's to get up and grab the book he'd bought, the very one that sits next to his takeaway cup of coffee he's since forgotten, he can easily predict what will happen. swap her own proposal around and there it is. ]
[ besides, he doesn't wish to move. he's comfortable, sitting on her couch, doing something for her that neither of them really acknowledge within the moment. maybe it doesn't need to be, at least not within this minute where he has her completely distracted. he doesn't stop touching her, though, fingers moving down the length of her foot as slowly as a snail. ] You'd read the title and throw it at me. [ and he tsks in a reprimand of her predictability. ] Any excuse to hit me.
[Maybe, just maybe, she doesn't want him to move either so this is fine. But she's still rattled and amused in equal parts.]
Yes, because you're begging for it right now. [She crosses her arms under her head, convinced she's thinking the right thing.] I've studied from books thicker than that one.
And those books helped you become the youngest Zero G mechanic in fifty years.
[ he says it so easily, like he's said it before, over and over, like some line that's meant to make her roll her eyes and hit him with a book. he doesn't believe she wouldn't study, riding on the coattails of any parent or friend or advisor. raven's always been hard at work, trying to better whatever she makes. if it hadn't been for her and the radios, her and her reading of books he'd never touch, he thinks he'd be dead in mount weather. ]
[ for all intents and purposes, though, he insists on teasing her. his hands don't stop on her foot. he isn't sure when he should stop, either, but he doesn't think on it. ]
Fifty-two. [Just saying, fifty-two isn't fifty, but who's counting? She looks down at her foot in his hands, and feels that same heat curl in her stomach again, so her toes curl and then wiggle, a soft sound escaping her when he smooths a knot out successfully.]
I have books. [She brings one hand down to wave it towards the desk, where some books lay in a pile and is that one on mythology? Maybe.]
[ bellamy smiles at her correction, assuming her to be proud of her achievement. she should be. it's not like she even brags about it when she can. he remembers it had been him telling her she was a genius, him telling her she still had work to do. she's never once really bragged about being the youngest zero g in fifty-two years. ]
[ his gaze focuses on her foot before he looks to the table, searching for the books among the clutter. once he spies what he thinks to be the spine of one, he smiles. ]
[ returning his attention to her foot, he bows his head to watch his hands. he hesitates in even acknowledging it, but after a few moments, asks quietly, ] Is it helping at all?
It's not those words exactly, but she's thrown for a loop when he asks, and her mind goes back to right then, of all moments. To his mouth on hers, and his mouth on her neck and his hands up along her back. If she hadn't been so raw and mad and angry at her own heart, she would've liked that.
She looks at his profile for a while, then has to look down, and away, gaze lowered.] Yeah, it's helping.
[ truthfully, bellamy doesn't think much of it when he first asks. it's just an innocent inquiry, one that would see him release her foot if it's not doing anything. maybe it isn't. when he'd tried to help his mother out when she'd been pregnant, it usually helped just a little. in hindsight, though, he thinks him just being there was what had her relax as much as she could. ]
[ just as they always are, though, he misses her looking at him as his attention is on her foot. she misses him glancing up at her after her response because she looks away. he trails after her, kind of like how he's always shadowing her these days, with his own thoughts returning to when he'd remained in his bed, wondering what the hell he hadn't been able to do for her. he figured it was because he wasn't finn, or maybe because he wasn't clarke's, but as vindictive as some of the guys hoped raven to be, bellamy just thinks she was looking for something and found the person she suspected may have it was just a disappointment whose hands were empty. ]
[ he's the guy who doesn't care, because admitting as much usually gets people floated or locked up. ]
[ it's after a noticeable pause, ] Good. [ he doesn't stop his hands, though. he hadn't asked to gauge whether or not her foot was fixed. it never will be. ]
[ he looks down and speaks to her foot. ] You should probably see if there's someone in the city who can make sure you don't work yourself into a cramp when you're reading all your big books.
[It could be. There are doctors in this city, and magic, and maybe she could get someone to fix her leg, but now it feels like a part of her. And she doesn't know, she doesn't know if she wants to, or dares to, ask anyone for help.
Yeah. [ he smiles, but it's small. he looks up at her, even though he feels like there may be some tension lingering ... or something. ]
[ he feigns disappointment by shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders. ] The smell of feet just doesn't do it for me. [ but he contradicts this by continuing to knead her foot. ]
[ there's a landmine there, he thinks, but bellamy willingly steps on it. compared to how he's smelled over the last few weeks, a mix of either smoke, anger, defeat, and his own blood thanks to mount weather, he'd rather just return to that. gunpowder hadn't been such a bad smell, in hindsight. ]
Yeah. The stuff they sell at the mall doesn't have the same kick to it. Expensive as hell, too.
[Too bad she's no longer making bullets double time, but she's not going to say that. Or think it. Or think that, in hindsight, it's very likely that's exactly what she'd smelled like. Gunpowder, rocket fuel, dirty, defeat and sweat.]
I doubt we really need gunpowder in a place like this, anyway. [ there's no grounders, no mountain men, no real enemy to fight. he's determined to find that person, though. no place offers freedom and safety in exchange for two minute cuddles. ] It seems so ... [ he shrugs. ] I don't know.
[ suspicious — at least to him. he's pretty sure everyone he spoke to thinks he's crazy. but raven likes this place, so he opts for a word that doesn't technically destroy any comfort she may have found here. ] Non-threatening.
Weird - [is what she says before he finishes with non-threatening. IT's not a word that destroys anything at all; there are dragons and elves and magical people in this place, weird is the right word for it.
[ bellamy thinks it's weird with its choice of people and its rules, but he finds that the fact there's no group to fight, no threat in the shape of grounders or mountain men trying to harm them in the worst possible way, that's the weird part of it all. he's so used to fighting someone that, now, when he's slowed down and stopped moving, he's not so sure of what to do with himself. ]
[ his fingers slow as he thinks, almost an unconscious act on his part that he continues to work at her foot. ] Have you ever spoken to Samantha?
[ he shrugs. he approaches what he's about to say so casually, ] Yeah, well, if I end up leaving again without saying goodbye, there's a good chance I pissed her off and she lied to my face.
[ "we're not full of shit" is something kane would tell him, parroted by jaha, even said by abby griffin. he thinks they'd try and say it in a condescending manner, and although it'd been over text, bellamy has a feeling samantha's keen for him to learn by himself eudio is a safe city, whereas those on the council would tell him it is while providing no proof. he'd thought to call a spade a spade with her, but maybe the eudio representatives are buckets instead. ]
[ he figures he owes her that, just in case. he doesn't know why he hadn't come to see her before he'd left, but, bellamy sometimes doesn't know himself. ]
[Leaving? There's an almost instant feeling of rejection inside her at the possibility, for so many reasons. He's actually relaxed here, not scared or angry or fighting for his life. And him being here means her having an ally - a friend- that gets where she's coming from without the need for hours of background story. And also -- also, Octavia, or something?
She frowns, and pulls her foot out of his grip, pushing herself up to sit; the wince is there, but dulled by the fact that her right leg feels pretty great right now.]
[ does bellamy want to piss samantha off? yes, he does — he wants to push her until she breaks, showing him that this place is bullshit. he wants to eradicate it then, saving all these people from their bullshit deals that will never be fulfilled. it's all he can do, even though he doubts he'll ever make up for the fact he cost three hundred of his people their lives, that he'd acted too slowly and lost more of their own inside a mountain. ]
[ — and no. he doesn't want this to be some crappy deal he made, risking coming here when he could be back at camp jaha trying to fix things. selfishly, he hasn't minded being here. some of the people are cool, some of them are actually nice, and most of them ... he feels like he's twenty again, a year before everything had gone to shit with that one choice that had ruined everything for his family. ]
[ all he can think about is mount weather, of how he'd wanted to pit everyone inside of it as the enemy, but had found an ally in the most unlikely of girls. it's hard to come back from that, losing maya, losing her family and their friends. if he'd been quicker, maybe abby and raven wouldn't have been drilled into, but then he's not the only person who had cards to play that day. ]
[ he shifts on the couch, no longer preoccupied with her foot. he presses his hands against his jeans and frowns, looking down at the space of the couch beside him rather than at her. ] I just don't believe this place is as black and white as it claims to be. Nothing is as perfect as this.
[Call her whatever you want to call her, but she thinks after years of things sucking, coming to Eudio and growing to like some of the people here, getting to like living is not perfection, but a right they should have.
It rattles her a little, that he's giving her the warning. He's going to poke -- and yeah, it's cool, it's okay to poke, but what kind of people have they turned out to be if literally nothing that seems good is unsuspicious to them? She can handle this sort of bitterness from herself, but not from others.]
What, because the people here are either good or evil? [She makes a gesture between the two of them like look at us.] That's the whole point - it's not black and white.
You agreed to this, Bellamy. You - you came here because you needed something and Eudio could give it, and if you don't want it anymore they'll send you back. What do you think is going to happen?
You'll dig and poke around, and some dirt will finally creep up to the surface? And then what? Save everyone? How?
[ bellamy leans his arms on his legs and bows his head into his hands while she talks — or speaks at him or lectures him or whatever the hell this is meant to be. he shouldn't be surprised raven's playing this role, wanting to talk him out of a decision, wanting to talk him into one like how clarke had tried to lift him from his defeated state before everything had been toasted. he rubs hard at his eyes, finding he feels as tired as he'd been on the walk back from mount weather. he hasn't slept well, unable to really close his eyes for a long period of time without seeing all of their faces and hearing her screams. ]
[ he lifts his head, but remains hunched over. his voice sounds rough, but there's no conviction in his voice. ] Yeah. I'll save everyone.
[ he sits up and looks at her. his voice isn't loud, but he's exasperated, irritated by everything — eudio trying to wash away the regret he feels, the guilt he holds, and attempting to be a better place for them, appetising enough that good people like raven would want to say. ] It's better to know the truth than to believe in some lie, Raven. You're just going to take them on their word? Believe that they're going to hold up their end of the deal because you said yes and I promise? [ he shakes his head. it hadn't worked with clarke, not when it seemed as though she had lexa in her pocket. it'd been the other way around. he'd seen how she'd changed, moving further away from leaning on him and instead looking to lexa for guidance. he'd become less of her co-leader and more of her soldier. ]
[ he thinks of how comfortable jasper had been with those from mount weather. there's no way in hell their people wouldn't have tried to escape unless they were given some incentive, wrapped neatly and tightly in a pretty package. clarke had been able to unravel it, and with that same suspicion, maybe bellamy can untangle eudio if it's as full of shit as the mountain men and the grounders. ]
People like us don't get second chances like this. People like you don't get to walk away. People like Clarke don't get to run. [ and people like bellamy? they lose everything, either way. ]
[She's already jumping to her feet even before he says that - people like you don't get to walk away - and though her stomach drops (no, no, Clarke said - she doesn't die, at least) she pushes forward on exhasperation and fumes alone.]
They did hold up their end of the deal with me! [Blurted out, sudden and loud enough that it echoes in the apartment and silences him. The next thing out of her mouth is one heavy exhale, like saying that took whatever energy and calmness was in her.]
Or - [Quiet as her voice may be, it's tense and angrier by the minute.] Maybe you're going to tell me I'm not a big enough sort of character that it's my end of the deal that got everyone -- [She presses her lips together, bites them both to keep quiet, because she doesn't brag, she just fixes things.
Then forces the rest out,] Everytime I talk to someone from our world they tell me our people get out safely out of Mount Weather and I think -- [She scrunches up her face, then forces the air out of her lungs, fast.]
We're not some dumb heroes in some dumb mythology book, if I want a second chance, I'll fucking make one for myself, so -- yes, I said yes, and I said I promised, but at least I got what I wanted out of it. I'm proof.
[ he keeps his gaze on her, letting his attention flicker to her leg for only a brief moment. if she's not going to flinch or even cry out from any weight she abruptly places on it, then she mustn't have hurt it at all. but he remains sitting, finding he doesn't have the drive to stand and stand over her in the hope to intimidate her. ]
[ she can take her opportunity to flee, running as far from something he gets. but all bellamy can think about is how she's too quick to write herself off as not being integral at all. if it wasn't for raven, he knows he'd be dead at the hands of the mountain men personally or by having blow himself to bits in the acid fog room. no deal would ensure the lives of their people. they're not the heroes of the greek myths, but the people found within the stories that do their best to survive. ]
Or — [ emphasising it means he's being a jackass, and bellamy does it on purpose. ] — maybe I'm going to tell you that without you, we wouldn't have gotten our people out. Did you ever think about that, Raven? [ he doubts it. out of all the people to convince her to stay, it had been him. when raven reyes wanted to run away from their very first camp, bellamy blake had been the one to convince her to let her roots settle into the earth there and not leave. she doesn't brag, but she has no self-awareness, either. ]
[ but he finds he doesn't think about the eudio incentives now. all he can think about is placing his trust in someone who deserves it. the representatives of this city haven't earned it from him yet. lincoln had and bellamy's not so sure if he's found it within himself to forgive him yet for abandoning him. he doesn't know if he has it in himself to truly look past clarke saying together with her fingers crossed behind her back. ] Without that alliance, I'd be dead. [ his voice cracks, ] Without you, I'd be dead. [ he looks away from her as his voice becomes tense and hot with anger, thinking of lincoln abandoning him at the underground entrance. a foolproof plan hadn't quite taken into account the fool bellamy had been. ] I had a damn good plan to get our people out, I had people on my side, and you know what? It didn't go to plan!
[What does she knows about her usefulness to their people? Almost used for patsy by the Grounders looking to break that fragile alliance days after it ended. She knows that eventually they figure it out, that Raven wasn't lying when she said that poison wasn't hers, but how much does that weigh in the face of her protests falling on deaf ears in the first place? All she wanted -- all she wants -- was somewhere to be as far away from Clarke as possible, somewhere she could allow herself to admit Finn wasn't coming back, and what she got was this.
The recrimination that she can't just not go back. At least Clarke has the decency of being so scared of igniting the fire in Raven's soul that she told her to just do what made her happy.
Not Bellamy, though. That's the second time now; he tells her she's necessary, vital, and then she'll stay because she's an idiot and she'll bleed and it'll be her fault for being a sucker for someone calling her worth.
This settles it, doesn't it? If the outcome of her not returning would be his death, then there's no way she'll stay. For a second, she can almost hate him for this.]
What happens? [He can't just dump it on her like that and expect her not to dig. He thinks she doesn't dig? She is good at turning a blind eye -- turned a blind eye to an uncaring mother for years instead of denouncing her -- but when it really suits her, she'll dig right down to the marrow. He's already dropped hints once, and though she said before that she didn't want to know -- she'd lied.] How did you get them out?
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Gimme your stupid book, I'm going to read you a story and then hit you with it.
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[ besides, he doesn't wish to move. he's comfortable, sitting on her couch, doing something for her that neither of them really acknowledge within the moment. maybe it doesn't need to be, at least not within this minute where he has her completely distracted. he doesn't stop touching her, though, fingers moving down the length of her foot as slowly as a snail. ] You'd read the title and throw it at me. [ and he tsks in a reprimand of her predictability. ] Any excuse to hit me.
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Yes, because you're begging for it right now. [She crosses her arms under her head, convinced she's thinking the right thing.] I've studied from books thicker than that one.
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[ he says it so easily, like he's said it before, over and over, like some line that's meant to make her roll her eyes and hit him with a book. he doesn't believe she wouldn't study, riding on the coattails of any parent or friend or advisor. raven's always been hard at work, trying to better whatever she makes. if it hadn't been for her and the radios, her and her reading of books he'd never touch, he thinks he'd be dead in mount weather. ]
[ for all intents and purposes, though, he insists on teasing her. his hands don't stop on her foot. he isn't sure when he should stop, either, but he doesn't think on it. ]
Still doesn't prove to me you know how to read.
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I have books. [She brings one hand down to wave it towards the desk, where some books lay in a pile and is that one on mythology? Maybe.]
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[ his gaze focuses on her foot before he looks to the table, searching for the books among the clutter. once he spies what he thinks to be the spine of one, he smiles. ]
[ returning his attention to her foot, he bows his head to watch his hands. he hesitates in even acknowledging it, but after a few moments, asks quietly, ] Is it helping at all?
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It's not those words exactly, but she's thrown for a loop when he asks, and her mind goes back to right then, of all moments. To his mouth on hers, and his mouth on her neck and his hands up along her back. If she hadn't been so raw and mad and angry at her own heart, she would've liked that.
She looks at his profile for a while, then has to look down, and away, gaze lowered.] Yeah, it's helping.
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[ just as they always are, though, he misses her looking at him as his attention is on her foot. she misses him glancing up at her after her response because she looks away. he trails after her, kind of like how he's always shadowing her these days, with his own thoughts returning to when he'd remained in his bed, wondering what the hell he hadn't been able to do for her. he figured it was because he wasn't finn, or maybe because he wasn't clarke's, but as vindictive as some of the guys hoped raven to be, bellamy just thinks she was looking for something and found the person she suspected may have it was just a disappointment whose hands were empty. ]
[ he's the guy who doesn't care, because admitting as much usually gets people floated or locked up. ]
[ it's after a noticeable pause, ] Good. [ he doesn't stop his hands, though. he hadn't asked to gauge whether or not her foot was fixed. it never will be. ]
[ he looks down and speaks to her foot. ] You should probably see if there's someone in the city who can make sure you don't work yourself into a cramp when you're reading all your big books.
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Proof being, all this mess.]
What, you're quitting already? Do they smell?
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[ he feigns disappointment by shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders. ] The smell of feet just doesn't do it for me. [ but he contradicts this by continuing to knead her foot. ]
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Just gunpowder, huh?
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Yeah. The stuff they sell at the mall doesn't have the same kick to it. Expensive as hell, too.
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Gunpowder doesn't exactly come cheap either.
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[ suspicious — at least to him. he's pretty sure everyone he spoke to thinks he's crazy. but raven likes this place, so he opts for a word that doesn't technically destroy any comfort she may have found here. ] Non-threatening.
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She opens her mouth and then closes it.] Or that.
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[ his fingers slow as he thinks, almost an unconscious act on his part that he continues to work at her foot. ] Have you ever spoken to Samantha?
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[ "we're not full of shit" is something kane would tell him, parroted by jaha, even said by abby griffin. he thinks they'd try and say it in a condescending manner, and although it'd been over text, bellamy has a feeling samantha's keen for him to learn by himself eudio is a safe city, whereas those on the council would tell him it is while providing no proof. he'd thought to call a spade a spade with her, but maybe the eudio representatives are buckets instead. ]
[ he figures he owes her that, just in case. he doesn't know why he hadn't come to see her before he'd left, but, bellamy sometimes doesn't know himself. ]
Just in case it happens again, at least you know.
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She frowns, and pulls her foot out of his grip, pushing herself up to sit; the wince is there, but dulled by the fact that her right leg feels pretty great right now.]
Do you want to piss her off?
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[ — and no. he doesn't want this to be some crappy deal he made, risking coming here when he could be back at camp jaha trying to fix things. selfishly, he hasn't minded being here. some of the people are cool, some of them are actually nice, and most of them ... he feels like he's twenty again, a year before everything had gone to shit with that one choice that had ruined everything for his family. ]
[ all he can think about is mount weather, of how he'd wanted to pit everyone inside of it as the enemy, but had found an ally in the most unlikely of girls. it's hard to come back from that, losing maya, losing her family and their friends. if he'd been quicker, maybe abby and raven wouldn't have been drilled into, but then he's not the only person who had cards to play that day. ]
[ he shifts on the couch, no longer preoccupied with her foot. he presses his hands against his jeans and frowns, looking down at the space of the couch beside him rather than at her. ] I just don't believe this place is as black and white as it claims to be. Nothing is as perfect as this.
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It rattles her a little, that he's giving her the warning. He's going to poke -- and yeah, it's cool, it's okay to poke, but what kind of people have they turned out to be if literally nothing that seems good is unsuspicious to them? She can handle this sort of bitterness from herself, but not from others.]
What, because the people here are either good or evil? [She makes a gesture between the two of them like look at us.] That's the whole point - it's not black and white.
You agreed to this, Bellamy. You - you came here because you needed something and Eudio could give it, and if you don't want it anymore they'll send you back. What do you think is going to happen?
You'll dig and poke around, and some dirt will finally creep up to the surface? And then what? Save everyone? How?
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[ he lifts his head, but remains hunched over. his voice sounds rough, but there's no conviction in his voice. ] Yeah. I'll save everyone.
[ he sits up and looks at her. his voice isn't loud, but he's exasperated, irritated by everything — eudio trying to wash away the regret he feels, the guilt he holds, and attempting to be a better place for them, appetising enough that good people like raven would want to say. ] It's better to know the truth than to believe in some lie, Raven. You're just going to take them on their word? Believe that they're going to hold up their end of the deal because you said yes and I promise? [ he shakes his head. it hadn't worked with clarke, not when it seemed as though she had lexa in her pocket. it'd been the other way around. he'd seen how she'd changed, moving further away from leaning on him and instead looking to lexa for guidance. he'd become less of her co-leader and more of her soldier. ]
[ he thinks of how comfortable jasper had been with those from mount weather. there's no way in hell their people wouldn't have tried to escape unless they were given some incentive, wrapped neatly and tightly in a pretty package. clarke had been able to unravel it, and with that same suspicion, maybe bellamy can untangle eudio if it's as full of shit as the mountain men and the grounders. ]
People like us don't get second chances like this. People like you don't get to walk away. People like Clarke don't get to run. [ and people like bellamy? they lose everything, either way. ]
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They did hold up their end of the deal with me! [Blurted out, sudden and loud enough that it echoes in the apartment and silences him. The next thing out of her mouth is one heavy exhale, like saying that took whatever energy and calmness was in her.]
Or - [Quiet as her voice may be, it's tense and angrier by the minute.] Maybe you're going to tell me I'm not a big enough sort of character that it's my end of the deal that got everyone -- [She presses her lips together, bites them both to keep quiet, because she doesn't brag, she just fixes things.
Then forces the rest out,] Everytime I talk to someone from our world they tell me our people get out safely out of Mount Weather and I think -- [She scrunches up her face, then forces the air out of her lungs, fast.]
We're not some dumb heroes in some dumb mythology book, if I want a second chance, I'll fucking make one for myself, so -- yes, I said yes, and I said I promised, but at least I got what I wanted out of it. I'm proof.
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[ she can take her opportunity to flee, running as far from something he gets. but all bellamy can think about is how she's too quick to write herself off as not being integral at all. if it wasn't for raven, he knows he'd be dead at the hands of the mountain men personally or by having blow himself to bits in the acid fog room. no deal would ensure the lives of their people. they're not the heroes of the greek myths, but the people found within the stories that do their best to survive. ]
Or — [ emphasising it means he's being a jackass, and bellamy does it on purpose. ] — maybe I'm going to tell you that without you, we wouldn't have gotten our people out. Did you ever think about that, Raven? [ he doubts it. out of all the people to convince her to stay, it had been him. when raven reyes wanted to run away from their very first camp, bellamy blake had been the one to convince her to let her roots settle into the earth there and not leave. she doesn't brag, but she has no self-awareness, either. ]
[ but he finds he doesn't think about the eudio incentives now. all he can think about is placing his trust in someone who deserves it. the representatives of this city haven't earned it from him yet. lincoln had and bellamy's not so sure if he's found it within himself to forgive him yet for abandoning him. he doesn't know if he has it in himself to truly look past clarke saying together with her fingers crossed behind her back. ] Without that alliance, I'd be dead. [ his voice cracks, ] Without you, I'd be dead. [ he looks away from her as his voice becomes tense and hot with anger, thinking of lincoln abandoning him at the underground entrance. a foolproof plan hadn't quite taken into account the fool bellamy had been. ] I had a damn good plan to get our people out, I had people on my side, and you know what? It didn't go to plan!
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The recrimination that she can't just not go back. At least Clarke has the decency of being so scared of igniting the fire in Raven's soul that she told her to just do what made her happy.
Not Bellamy, though. That's the second time now; he tells her she's necessary, vital, and then she'll stay because she's an idiot and she'll bleed and it'll be her fault for being a sucker for someone calling her worth.
This settles it, doesn't it? If the outcome of her not returning would be his death, then there's no way she'll stay. For a second, she can almost hate him for this.]
What happens? [He can't just dump it on her like that and expect her not to dig. He thinks she doesn't dig? She is good at turning a blind eye -- turned a blind eye to an uncaring mother for years instead of denouncing her -- but when it really suits her, she'll dig right down to the marrow. He's already dropped hints once, and though she said before that she didn't want to know -- she'd lied.] How did you get them out?
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