dominance | ( eudio inbox )

[ change has never been good for him. he wishes things would stay the same for once instead of the ground constantly twisting and turning underneath him. octavia comes and goes, things with clarke are unpredictably easy, and where he had thought it'd be like that with raven, he finds that it seems to shift from easy to tense and right back again. ]

[ eudio's the same. what would've been easier on the ground isn't anymore. ]

[ despite how things are changing and he's purposefully turned his eye away from it, he stays in the same position. he doesn't move in fear of what will happen if he does. he looks at her, and says, quietly, ] You know I'm not staying, Raven. I have to go back. [ in his opinion, on top of acknowledging this type of change, that's a worse one. it's one that they can easily predict, since it's something bellamy will, for once, have a hand in. he has to go back and look after their people. clarke being in the city, safe and away from grounders, doesn't change that they're without someone not afraid to stand up to those in charge of camp jaha. ] That's never going to change.

[That makes her sit up straight so fast that she forgets she's still new at having command of both legs again, and she stumbles, a little. Eventually, she recovers and rushes out with:] I know.

[It's been a probability since the beginning of his stay here, after all; whereas Raven used Eudio to get away, Bellamy has been using Eudio with one goal in mind. And if this isn't showing her he gives a damn, about their people back in their home, she doesn't know what is. He's got a cushy live here, two dogs who will end up in the care of who knows who, and the snowgie, and friends, but he's not going to stay forever.]

That's not why I'm saying this. I'm not telling you in a plot to get you to. [Even though it would suck ass to see him leave. She has no hold over him, that much she's starting to realize. He's being nice when the situation calls for it, because he actually likes her, but with everything else...

She can't read him on this one. It makes her expression somber.] And I don't need you to do me a favor, either. Just - what do you want?

[ he looks away from her, gaze dropping to his legs on the coffee table. he grows quieter, even though there's no chance someone as tall and big as him could ever become smaller. quietly, ] I don't know. [ he's not entirely sure he's even said it. it's the answer that he's wanted to tell the kids over and over. where should they go? what should they do? should they attack tristan? save finn? believe the grounders? follow clarke? bellamy's never known the answer, but he's always postured as though he does. it shouldn't be a surprise to him that the moment when he needs one, he doesn't have anything, no bravado, nothing, to fall on. ]

[ his gaze remains on his legs, his voice low, ] I came here for Octavia. [ as everything has always been for octavia. he's stayed for octavia, if only to ensure that she's looked after, especially given how they've been separated more in their lives than they've ever been. it's been his own personal barriers that haven't seen him fulfil his deal within the first month of being in eudio. he lingers for octavia, instead of running out on her coattails when she chooses to leave. ] I haven't thought about anything else.

[ he'll admit he's thought about staying for a little longer, giving himself a good timeframe to at least make sure his deal will be met, has been met, and that clarke and raven are okay if he's to leave. it doesn't haunt him as much as it probably should, knowing he'd come and gone without so much as a goodbye, but bellamy knows he doesn't want to up and leave one day without ensuring that his two closest friends will be looked after. that's as far as he's allowed himself to think, falling back into the pattern of following mom's orders, of making sure octavia's safe, looked after, kept company. he may be in a brand new place, but he hasn't developed any brand new habits. ]

I can't think about anything else.

[For a second, she thinks to point out that she still wants to help him reach his goals, but he's had that offer on the table for a while now, and hasn't done anything about it. Maybe that was part of the reason why she has grown closer to him. Faced with the option to use her right back, and make them even, he'd said no.

She lets out a breath she wasn't sure she was holding in, and deflates like a balloon at the fair.] Yes you can. You just don't want to.

[She shakes her head, and drags her hands over her face, then taps her knees as if to shake herself out of it. Screw it, she's going to just be his friend. That's easier. You're stupid if you think you're not loved, Raven, you have a family here. Yes. But again, not the way she wants to be loved.

But one of these days, she will find someone who fights for her, not someone she has to fight for first. And it won't be an effort to be his friend meanwhile, she's been his friend until now. Maybe now that she's come clean, that awkwardness will dissolve and she will stop switching from easy to tense and then back again.]

It's easy to build walls and stick to them, Bellamy, but you're going to have to live sometime. [She looks at him, and softly continues:] We weren't exactly given that choice, even when Earth spread under our feet, all green and alive. But you have a choice here, and you're deluded if you think Octavia wouldn't want you to try.

[She sighs, and drops her gaze.] Anyway, it doesn't matter. I wanted to say it, but nothing has to happen. [They're very good at that, aren't they?]

[ bellamy looks up at her. he feels like flinching, but finds that he remains very still. the only movement he makes is to lean forward, elbows resting against his legs. a part of him wants to go home to see what octavia wants, even though bellamy's never shown himself to be good at heeding that. ]

[ his voice is soft and low, ] It matters, Raven. [ it's only been recently he's started to peel back that wall, allowing himself to acknowledge it quietly and to her. she's important to him; he thinks that that's partly why he's wedged himself between a rock and a hard place. ]

You came into my tent upset with Finn because he was a dick to you. [ it's not the best memory to have, and it's not something they seem to ever speak of. bellamy knows why he keeps his mouth shut on it. it'd never been about him — it was never his to bring up. he'd said his piece in his cot, and had filed it away, even though he sometimes recalls how she'd felt against him. he looks up at her, ] I don't want to be the reason you're upset, or feeling like shit about yourself because I'm not ready to be with anyone. [ bellamy may not know much, oblivious to even himself, but he can easily glean that. ]

[ what's on the tip of his tongue is something he doesn't think he's ready to admit to anyone, not even himself. bellamy doesn't know how to live for anyone other than octavia. once, he'd lived for himself, but he hardly remembers what that had been like, as his entire world had shifted to revolve around his sister. ]

[ looking away, he lets his eyes sweep his apartment wall. he bows his head slightly, and his voice lowers, if that's possible at all, ] I like you. [ that much he knows, even though he doesn't want to elaborate. he's already fumbling trying to figure out how he feels, but it's akin to stumbling around in the tunnel made for reapers. ] But I need to go back home once I'm done here. I don't know how I feel or what I want, but I know I don't want to start something if it's going to end like that.

[Finn's death has left as much of a mark on her as his betrayal had, but it was only a brewing war that had kept her going. If he hadn't convinced her of her importance to the rest of the camp, she would've ran, would have put distance between herself and the Delinquents, and maybe she wouldn't have lasted long out there, alone. Maybe they wouldn't have either.

The bridge wouldn't have been blown up, the ring of fire wouldn't have happened, and Bellamy would've been hanged. It's very likely she wouldn't have made it out on her own alive for very long, but neither would they have. She has her leg back now, but the memory of that surgery will haunt her for life, and is the reason she avoids hospitals when possible. And staying, for Raven, ended up meaning having to see Finn die.

It's funny, because before he'd broken her heart, Raven hadn't been the running away type at all. She was the girl who rushed to a fight, armed to the teeth, certain about her right to battle.

She keeps thinking that somewhere, at some point, she must've done something to cause it all; that Finn wasn't that much of a dick, that it must've been partially her fault too. She'd forgiven him for it, hours before his death, but Bellamy bringing it up again goes through her memories and tosses everything up.

He's right. There's no saying that starting something here would end in anything but heartbreak, all over again. And if she's not incentive enough to try, either way, well then...

She reaches out across the space between them, and touches his forearm, drawing his attention.] Thanks for telling me, I guess. You're less of a dick than he was, at least.

[ at her touch, bellamy looks up at her. his lips curve upward, but it's not out of mirth. he'll always think of himself to be a dick — it's easier to acknowledge himself as that and nothing else. he's not a hero, not like the greeks; he doesn't believe he's awfully nice, either, given how his actions have affected so many people, those he knows intimately and those he can hardly recall the name of. being a dick is better than being a monster, even though bellamy knows he'd toed that line a lot when he'd first jumped onto the ground. ]

[ if bellamy knows anything, it's that there's someone out there for raven who isn't as messed up as he is. someone who won't leave to go to a place he doesn't want to go, afraid of what he'll find, of the names he'll be called that don't quite fit on his shoulders. but he's not quite used to the pace of eudio. sometimes he envies her for how easily she assimilates into this life, while he fumbles about, as he does now, breaking things. ]

[ softly: ] I don't want things to be messed up between us, Raven. [ he leans back slightly, sitting almost straight. he rubs his hands against his legs, drawing them up to his thighs to remain there. he lets his gaze shift to the edge of the table near her. it's been a massive weight on him throughout this conversation, worried about where it is he steps, if it means he'll toe a line or cross it and have to watch her walk away as he had clarke. ] It'd suck … a lot. [ like ass, but he doesn't think to quote her now. ]

[ he looks at her, ] I wasn't lying when I said you're important to me. I would've left when Octavia did if you weren't. [ and he knows he would've taken her up on her offer when octavia had left the first time, but he hadn't wanted to. the idea of using people to gain what he wanted doesn't sit right with him, not when he considers them friends. he'd rather a touch hold meaning, rather than it being a means to an end. ]

[This touch holds meaning, even if it makes her predictably sad. She feels his words like constricting pressure around her throat, and she forces out a very pathetic murmur:] I'm sure you had more reasons. [More people to stick around for.

Because people don't just stick around for her, and only her, and then cross their arms and not do anything about it. Selfishly, she wishes he were the sort of asshole who didn't care so much and didn't hold himself in check, because then she wouldn't be left with all this want.

Nevertheless, it is what it ease. Not a stalemate, but a scattering of the pieces, game's done, go home. She squeezes his arm, fondly. Perhaps with more kindness than she would've had, without the months of being calmed down by Eudio behind her.]

I think we'll be fine. [After lingering for a bit, she draws her hand away. Looks at some point on his shirt, instead of his face, because two can avoid gazes too.] If you want me to go now...

[ clarke and raven had been his reasons. a part of him needed to know if clarke was okay, if this was the place she left camp for. she's not his responsibility, not like octavia, where it's been drilled into his head that she's his to look after, but bellamy feels responsible, nonetheless, of her state, of where her head is at. he hadn't been too sure of why raven had been here, but now he thinks he knows why — it's her leg, and her sense of self she's come back to that keeps her here. but he finds that there's nothing but them for him in eudio, and while he thinks octavia's always important, the one person he would sacrifice the entire camp for, he's beginning to realise it's not so black and white. ]

[ if she leaves, he thinks it'll be awkward. if she stays, maybe it'll linger. but bellamy finds that he doesn't want to act as though it's a wedge that'll keep distance between them, shifting their relationship from his perspective. it isn't much of a leap, given she's been to his apartment once and he's spent time with her on multiple occasions, but it feels different now. ]

[ he doesn't look at her when he softly says, ] You can stay, if you want. [ when he says it, he knows it isn't a lie. it's not spoken out of pity, or his need to fix it. he wants her to stay; out of all the people he's known in eudio, he's only ever really liked spending the majority of the day, whether it be at a carnival or moving boxes, with raven. looking up at her, he shrugs his shoulders, the best he can give her as to any unspoken question of why. ]

[ even though he thinks it shows her it's what he wants, bellamy thinks back on her words, on the emphasis on you, and opts to clarify: ] I'd like you to.

[If she goes now, she'll be the one blowing up the distance between them, breaking her promise and the certainty that nothing will change, that they'll be okay. And if she had to leave, the truth is that she wouldn't want to. She doesn't want to.

And now he says he wants her to stay, and the choice is made. It's easy. She even manages a smile, wide.] Okay, then. [She gets up from the couch, though.]

I'm going to go steal a soda from your fridge, do you want one? [Hopefully with some luck, there'll be cake again. The candy has messed her up anyway.]

[ he watches her get up, as if expecting her to take long strides toward the door and leave. he thinks it, pictures it, but finds that raven doesn't follow in the same steps as clarke. raven's never followed in the same steps as clarke. threatening clarke had only seen her talk back. threatening raven had seen her push back at him in her own attempt of intimidation. raven isn't clarke, and he knows that that's why he'd been drawn to her doorstep during the early weeks of his stay in the city. it's always been comforting to know his ease of standing near her, even walking beside her in silence, has never changed, not even when the landscape has. ]

Yeah. [ he shuffles against the cushion he sits on. he waves his hand, ] Whatever one. Take whatever you want from out of there.

[ in his fridge are cans of coke, and on a plate a thin slice of chocolate cake. there's not much inside, save for a few bottles of beer, water, one large bottle of coke, and some bars of chocolate. his fridge is relatively empty, given he eats what he has, unable to toss anything into the trash. ]

[ while she's up on her feet, he moves, too. standing, he walks to his bed, ignoring zelo who peers up at him to only rest his head back down. nike remains quiet, for once, perhaps uncharacteristic of her from raven's perspective. he leans over his bed, knee on the mattress, to place his phone and book onto his sill by his bed. he leans forward to open his window slightly, air easily sweeping inside of his apartment as he has yet to invest in curtains. ]

[She just needs the opportunity to breathe, and thirst is a legitimate excuse so she takes it. Her pulse is racing, and it takes a while for her to calm down. She sheds her jacket on the way into the kitchen area, leaves it draped over the back of a chair.

When she opens the fridge, she notes the presence of beer in there, and decides that's better than coke right now. It feels oddly appropriate, after all. People drink to calm the fuck down sometimes, and it doesn't mean they're going to reach for the bottle every single time. (She is not her mother, she remembers this.)

Two beers in one hand, and the chocolate bar in another, she comes back.

Walks over to find him opening the window, and lets out a low whistle.] You've got a nice view here. [As if she wouldn't appreciate falling asleep with the stars above.]

It's not that nice when the sun's up. [ and trying to burn him, since he has nothing to protect him from its heat but a pillow. he looks over his shoulder at her, standing on his feet as he turns away from his bed. his eyes look to the beers in her hand, but he doesn't say anything. whatever's in the fridge she wants, she can have. it isn't as though bellamy's particularly greedy when it comes to his drinks, his alcohol, or his food. it's always been his books, scattered on the tables in his apartment, piled on the floor near his bed, even underneath it. ]

[ he knows he could use a beer instead of a coke. it's not the smartest decision to make, but it's one that he thinks will, at least, settle his nerves a little. he's still participating in this day, given he knows from the movies and some of the comments people have made to him today that it's a day of celebrating love with boxes of chocolates or with a few glasses of alcohol. ]

[ he seems to take a step back, as if stumbling, and drops to sit on the edge of his bed. ] You'd probably have a better view. Bigger windows for a bigger place.

[She shrugs, and hands him one of the bottles, climbing up on the bed so she can lean over and try to see what the view of the stars is really like.]

Yeah, and that's part of why I love it. But you should probably invest in curtains if you ever want to sleep in. [She turns around and drops onto the edge of the bed, twisting the cap off the beer and taking a sip. A memory resurfaces, and she actually smiles from it.]

Remember the tents? Every sunrise in them felt like the world outside was on fire. You'll think I'm crazy, but that was actually a thing I liked trading over space for.

[ he takes the proffered beer, twisting it open to flick the cap onto his windowsill. it's safer to toss it near his window to hear a clink against the glass than it is to leave it on the floor for one of the dogs. it's as though the sound is enough to alert chion to rattle his ice in his cooler. the pen still stands, half hidden behind the couch from where he sits. he pays the snowgie no mind, content to know he only rules that portion of the apartment now. ]

[ bellamy smiles, ] I could sleep in with that light. [ it seems muted in comparison to the sun slanting through a clear window. at the least material of his tent, regardless of how creamy or red it was, seemed to catch the sun and smooth out its sharpness for him. raising his beer to his lips he takes a sip of it, watching raven before he glances out his window. ]

I don't think you're crazy. [ his voice is slightly quiet. he holds the beer in his hand, feeling the condensation of the glass wet his palm. he doesn't shift it to his other hand, ignoring it. keeping his eyes on the window, his own tone seems to shift into something melancholic. ] I didn't realise how much I liked the stars until I didn't have the them anymore. [ the mountain had had no natural light, and it's then that bellamy had realised he missed what he had taken for granted. ]

[ leaning on his bed, he ensures to hold his beer upright as he tries to look out the window. half of him rests on the middle of his bed, resting his weight on his elbow as he tried to peer through the glass and even his ceiling to look at the stars. ]

[She holds the bottle between her knees (condensation: also feels that through her jeans) and gets the chocolate open, enough to snap off a small corner of it and eat it. She offers it to him next.]

Well, that's a very cliché thing to say, but I get it. [She shrugs, and keeps quiet there. She was the girl who walked among the stars, and now at best she manages to take Gruff up on a ride at night and pretend like she's close.]

Sometimes me and Gruff go for a ride at night. If you're not terrified of placing your life in my hands and the wings of a blind dragon, you're welcome to come. [She takes a sip of beer.]

As soon as he gets used to you.

[ if that isn't an invitation — and a good sign, one he's been unknowingly looking for — then he doesn't know what is. he smiles, close-lipped, when he looks at her. where he'd been trying to find a specific constellation to show her he hasn't forgotten, he finds himself distracted. ]

[ waving away her offer of chocolate, he pulls himself to sit in the middle of his bed. crossing his legs, he raises his beer and drinks it before letting his arms rest on his knees. his gaze doesn't waver from focusing on her. ]

I guess we'll find out if I'm afraid of heights. [ even though the thought of facing the unknown has always filled him with anxiety, bellamy finds he's excited by the prospect of what she proposes. it's childlike in his anticipation, getting to witness and experience a dragon as he had imagined ladon, but it's almost thrilling to know he hasn't messed up irreparably. it's new, and it's different — and it's something he wants to hold onto. ]

[ he tips his beer toward her, to show that he's been listening, ] And see if he likes me.

[She guesses even he's too big of a nerd not to accept the invitation to fly on a dragon, regardless of whether or not the risk is high. It won't be high, she'll get better at riding Gruff and then, she'll take him up among the stars.

She leans over and clinks her bottle's neck with his bottle.] We will see. [She leans her weight against her elbow, more or less spread at the foot of his bed, her head near the window so she can glance up at the sky occasionally.

It's cozy. See? They'll be fine. The beer's working, she feels less rattled.]

Hmmm...Heracles isn't out tonight. Not from where we sit, at least.

[ he looks at her, then glances out the window. it'd take him too long to be able to see heracles in the sky, not quite knowing where to look when he's not walking from her place to the beach. he turns back to her, back remaining slightly hunched as he sits. ] He could be visiting Megara. [ for valentine's day, but he doesn't say. nor does he even ask her if there's a megara constellation. he doubts there is, given the way greek myths seem to work. ]

[ he lifts the drink to his lips and says, ] He'll be back. [ and after he takes a drink of it, he leans backward, extending his arm and keeping the bottle upright, to place it on his windowsill. it's becoming crowded, with cerberus tucked in the corner of the window, clarks's painting beneath two books, and a notepad with pen, and now a bottle of beer. ]

[ he doesn't twist on the bed, glancing over his shoulder as though he can recognise any of the star patterns from here he sits in the middle of his bed. he can barely see many of the stars, so he twists to stretch out on his stomach, facing his window. ]

[Technically, the world they're on will rotate and they will chance to be under Heracles again in a determined interval. It has nothing to do with fairy tale visitations. She knows the science of it.]

I though she's a Disney thing. [But wasn't it a nice speech? A day without Megara in my life isn't worth it; what a loser, giving up immortality for the love of his life. Oh, how she can relate.

She starts looking around the place, and notices the painting. Draws in a quiet breath,] Did Clarke paint that?

[On commission, she has a couple of Clarke Griffin creations in her new place too, and she will agree with anyone who says she's a better artist than a leader, because she is. Clarke's a beautiful talent, it's wasted on war.]

[ he shakes his head. ] No. She's real. [ or as real as a greek figure could be. bellamy wants to think she existed, once, and was as strong and capable as the disney version of her happened to be. ]

[ looking to the watercolored painting of cerberus, bellamy smiles in fondness. even though clarke had asked him what he'd like drawn, bellamy hadn't expected her to draw it, let alone paint int and make it look as real as he had imagined it as a kid. ] Yeah. [ his smile is wide. he glances toward the window, but inevitably, his gaze lands on the painting of his three-headed dog. ]

[ glancing toward the toy cerberus, his smile only widens when he looks back toward the image of his namesake. ] It's incredible, right?

[ it seems as though everything on his windowsill is greek. from the toy dog raven had given him, sitting in the corner, looking out at the stars and watching over his two other heads in the form of golden retriever puppies, two books on homer's greek stories, and clarke's painting, the person bellamy is, and once had been, seems to be on display for anyone to see if they're looking for the signs that expose him. ]

[It couldn't be clearer, all she'd need would be one glance at what's near his bed to know what matters to him. Greek stories, and gifts from his friends. Her Cerberus watching over him as he sleeps, when he's not watching the stars, she rather likes that. She shifts closer, though, to take a look at an illustration of the dog he'd spoken so fondly of.

It's terrifying, but she thinks that this is the dog he considers to be most loyal. She had to have figured that for Bellamy, loyal and terrifying

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<small>[It couldn't be clearer, all she'd need would be one glance at what's near his bed to know what matters to him. Greek stories, and gifts from his friends. Her Cerberus watching over him as he sleeps, when he's not watching the stars, she rather likes that. She shifts closer, though, to take a look at an illustration of the dog he'd spoken so fondly of.

It's terrifying, but she thinks that this is the dog he considers to be most loyal. She had to have figured that for Bellamy, loyal and terrifying <i<could</i> go together. And they do.

Her eyes glance at the titles of the books, and she smirks. Looks at him again.]</small> You could say that it's your Achilles heel, the whole Greek stories thing.

[ he looks at her in amusement, brow arched and his smile wide. ] You think it's a weakness?

[ bellamy may smile, but he knows she's right. there's a reason why he never sat around one of the campfires at their first campsite and told story after story to the kids. there's a reason why he hasn't told anyone a single tale, save for raven, now, letting himself slip. mom will always be a vulnerable point for him; exposing this part of himself shows bits of her, and bellamy, for as selfish as he is, wants to keep aurora blake with him, only sharing her with octavia. ]

[ it's easier to shrug off being called an asshole, a murderer, or even a monster, but when it comes to aurora blake, he finds that he's ready and willing to give up at the first mention or thought of her disliking the person he's become. his greek stories are the only thing he has left of her. but bellamy doesn't think to tell anyone that. ]

[She shrugs.] No. But it does betray you. [She reaches out and gives Cerberus the toy a soft pat on the head, before taking a sip of her beer.]

You're a dreamer. Story-tellers usually are.

[ watching her acknowledge cerberus, he's the tamest dog in his apartment. quiet and obedient, he doesn't make a fuss over being looked at, let alone touched. he shifts on his bed so he's facing her slightly. he keeps his expression one of amusement, but bellamy finds that he's searching for something in her words. ] You say it like it's a bad thing to be.

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ack, html failure ack

i see nothing of the sort.