[ bellamy looks up at her. he feels like flinching, but finds that he remains very still. the only movement he makes is to lean forward, elbows resting against his legs. a part of him wants to go home to see what octavia wants, even though bellamy's never shown himself to be good at heeding that. ]

[ his voice is soft and low, ] It matters, Raven. [ it's only been recently he's started to peel back that wall, allowing himself to acknowledge it quietly and to her. she's important to him; he thinks that that's partly why he's wedged himself between a rock and a hard place. ]

You came into my tent upset with Finn because he was a dick to you. [ it's not the best memory to have, and it's not something they seem to ever speak of. bellamy knows why he keeps his mouth shut on it. it'd never been about him — it was never his to bring up. he'd said his piece in his cot, and had filed it away, even though he sometimes recalls how she'd felt against him. he looks up at her, ] I don't want to be the reason you're upset, or feeling like shit about yourself because I'm not ready to be with anyone. [ bellamy may not know much, oblivious to even himself, but he can easily glean that. ]

[ what's on the tip of his tongue is something he doesn't think he's ready to admit to anyone, not even himself. bellamy doesn't know how to live for anyone other than octavia. once, he'd lived for himself, but he hardly remembers what that had been like, as his entire world had shifted to revolve around his sister. ]

[ looking away, he lets his eyes sweep his apartment wall. he bows his head slightly, and his voice lowers, if that's possible at all, ] I like you. [ that much he knows, even though he doesn't want to elaborate. he's already fumbling trying to figure out how he feels, but it's akin to stumbling around in the tunnel made for reapers. ] But I need to go back home once I'm done here. I don't know how I feel or what I want, but I know I don't want to start something if it's going to end like that.