[ it's hard to imagine this place being clean. nothing is — he imagines jasper and monty had thought that of mount weather, or at least jasper had thought maya represented a portion of mount weather he had clung to so desperately when clarke had opted to escape, leaving their people behind. it's hard to comprehend that any place comes without its cons, but if eudio is clean, if the only negative of this world is that he has to consider being physically affectionate with people when he can't remember how to do that anymore, then he supposes he'll live a life that's boring without its dangerous adventures. ]
[ he looks at her hands, and it's so easy for him to ignore it. he's never asked for help in a day of his life, earning his invitation onto the guard because mom did. the representatives had approached him. the guard had approached him. he'd taken what murphy had tried to create with the militia on the ground and had claimed it as his own. he can't remember the last time he asked for help — and he knows that this is an offer of it, even though bellamy doubts a hand will change anything at all. ]
[ it's on purpose, even though he tries to pretend it isn't, wanting to fool even himself, that he looks away when he reaches out for her hand. his fingers don't slip between the spaces of her own. his fingers wrap around her fingers, as if trying to trap them together. he wonders if anyone had held her hand when he'd been locked up in the ark with murphy. he wonders if things would've been better if he had had someone's hand to hold rather than running around mount weather blind until maya had found him. ]
[ he's quiet for a while, wondering what he'd do if this place ended up clean, if the only dirt he'd find is on the bottom of his own shoes. his deal will never change from wanting to protect octavia — my sister, my responsibility — but he thinks, maybe, if he can, he'd extend its reach, protecting her from more than just the dangers of a world that wants to kill them all. from grief and loss and losing more of herself than she can hold onto, maybe he can fix their own family by righting a wrong done by the council that had seen them torn apart in the first place. ]
Change my deal. [ it's as simple as that; he'd make the eudio representatives work for his help. the delinquents never had to. he looks at her then before he drops his gaze to where his fingers grip her own, not too tightly, but not so soft that it's as though he's not holding onto her at all. ]
no subject
[ he looks at her hands, and it's so easy for him to ignore it. he's never asked for help in a day of his life, earning his invitation onto the guard because mom did. the representatives had approached him. the guard had approached him. he'd taken what murphy had tried to create with the militia on the ground and had claimed it as his own. he can't remember the last time he asked for help — and he knows that this is an offer of it, even though bellamy doubts a hand will change anything at all. ]
[ it's on purpose, even though he tries to pretend it isn't, wanting to fool even himself, that he looks away when he reaches out for her hand. his fingers don't slip between the spaces of her own. his fingers wrap around her fingers, as if trying to trap them together. he wonders if anyone had held her hand when he'd been locked up in the ark with murphy. he wonders if things would've been better if he had had someone's hand to hold rather than running around mount weather blind until maya had found him. ]
[ he's quiet for a while, wondering what he'd do if this place ended up clean, if the only dirt he'd find is on the bottom of his own shoes. his deal will never change from wanting to protect octavia — my sister, my responsibility — but he thinks, maybe, if he can, he'd extend its reach, protecting her from more than just the dangers of a world that wants to kill them all. from grief and loss and losing more of herself than she can hold onto, maybe he can fix their own family by righting a wrong done by the council that had seen them torn apart in the first place. ]
Change my deal. [ it's as simple as that; he'd make the eudio representatives work for his help. the delinquents never had to. he looks at her then before he drops his gaze to where his fingers grip her own, not too tightly, but not so soft that it's as though he's not holding onto her at all. ]